Trusting Lucas Read online

  “Okay, it’s me. I need to change.”

  “Look at that, we’re right back on schedule like you haven’t been MIA for the past three months. So, tell me, what does your day look like?”

  Chloe filled her in on the baths, the loneliness, anxiety, the anger that still simmered under the surface in regard to her brother. The shame in being kept. Hours upon hours of not knowing what to do with herself. Her worry for the kids and wanting to be better for them. Her fear that they could see her floundering and what that might do to them.

  “And?” Isabella asked.

  “That’s about it,” Chloe said, but could feel that telltale wince on her face.

  “You’re sure? It’s almost as though you want to ask me something. I mean, you know where we left off; you know what we discussed. You know I’m going to suggest all the same things: you need a job so you can take your pride back and support your family instead of feeling more indebted to your brother. It’s hard to have the talk you need to have with him when all you do is harbor resentment because he’s paying all the bills.”

  Wasn’t that just the problem? She needed to get to the heart of why she was angry with him for so long, and some of that was the need to tell him what it did to her to have him go off and leave her behind. She needed to hear from him what he went through while he was gone that turned him into someone so short-tempered and sullen when he got back. But how did she do all of that without sounding like a whiny little sister ungrateful for all the help he’d given her? Unappreciative of what he’d done to protect her kids.

  “He protected my kids when I didn’t,” Chloe admitted for the first time, swallowing back the clog of emotion in her throat.

  “But didn’t you? You had a team of men after you, killers, and you managed to get Tyler and Brielle all the way across town to your brother’s house and keep them safe,” Isabella said gently. “But that’s not all that’s bothering you, is it?”

  “No,” Chloe said quietly.

  Isabella waited her out. No pressure, just the quiet calm of her office. The stillness of being without having to worry about anything other than focusing on her own needs. Isabella didn’t care how the conversation flowed. She didn’t care if Chloe pivoted from one topic to another. Isabella kept track of it all, letting the thoughts and feelings tumble out as they needed, no matter how disjointed.

  No matter how scattered, she always managed to bring it back into focus and tie it all together.

  “I told you about the man who guarded me, about his undercover work.”

  “Yes.”

  “He’s been working with my brother on a project here at New Hope. I hadn’t seen him in person all this time,” she said, clearing her throat. “Until this past Sunday.”

  Isabella got up and headed for her mini fridge. In seconds, she’d plopped a cold water in Chloe’s hands. “How did you feel when you saw him again?”

  “First…resentment, but I can’t be sure that was for him.” She told her about how Zane and Kinsley hadn’t asked if it was okay with her before inviting him. How he hovered on the fringes the way she did, making her feel a kinship with him. She struggled to put into words the familiarity she hadn’t recognized at the time. Then she confessed to his walking her home, his admission to holding her as she slept, and the kiss.

  “Wow. That’s…a lot. How did you feel when your kids were around him?”

  “What?”

  “Tyler and Brielle were at the cookout. They would have seen him. He could have played with them, talked with them; were you scared? Protective? Did you take them and go home?”

  Oh God. She should have, and she didn’t, which confirmed what she was ninety-nine percent sure of already: that she just did not have any shred of good judgment where men were concerned.

  “I’m a horrible mother,” she said, burying her face in her hands.

  “What if you’re not?” Isabella said with a note of challenge in her voice.

  “What?”

  “Hear me out. You’ve been in three abusive relationships. You remember telling me that each guy made you wary in some way. One was too confident, almost to the point of arrogance. The other charming and slick. The last, a manipulator who kept giving your kids attention and that’s what finally won you over. He used your kids to get to you. Your gut reaction to protect was right. It’s not that you didn’t get the signals; it’s the fact that you chose to ignore them.”

  “That doesn’t make me sound any better.”

  “Ahh, but what did your gut tell you about Lucas?”

  She took a deep breath and forced herself back into the memory for an honest accounting. “That he’s safe. That he didn’t really hold me captive per se but stuck around to protect me so he could get us both out alive. Then he confirmed it.”

  “And you’re attracted to him, right?” she prodded.

  “Well…”

  “It’s just us, be honest.”

  “Yes. I mean, at first, I just had these weird memories. He worked for the bad guys, but he wasn’t one of them, and I didn’t know where that was coming from. I thought the heroin was messing with my head, making me twist things.”

  “Instead, your gut was right there, telling you exactly what you needed to know. That he was safe.”

  “Then why doesn’t he feel safe at all?” Chloe asked her, hoping she had the answer. Any sort of answer.

  “Well, that’s a question for your heart. But this man was there at the barbecue, right there with your kids, and did you make any move to remove them from the situation at all?”

  “No. Actually, they asked to spend the night at my brother’s, and I said yes.”

  “The biggest issue I see is that you keep dismissing your intuition. Stop doing that. We’re animals. Our instincts are designed to keep us safe.”

  “You make it sound so easy.”

  “Oh, it’s not. I assure you. Nothing about these last steps back into your life, a successful, happy life, will be easy. I think you knew that, and that’s exactly why you fell off the radar for three months. And where did that decision get you?”

  “Stuck,” Chloe said, blowing out a breath.

  “Well, they say the first step is admitting you have a problem.”

  Chloe let out a laugh, relieved at the way Isabella added humor to statements that usually landed with a sting. “I have several problems.”

  “I think if you fix your self-confidence, the other pieces are all going to fall into place. The last time you were here, I suggested you start by having a frank conversation with your brother, but the more I think about it, the more I think that can wait. First, you need a job. The minute you feel like a provider, an equal to your brother, it will be a whole lot easier to tackle the other hurts you’ve been harboring.”

  “A job that will cover the house I’m in? That’s a stretch.”

  “It doesn’t need to be that. Imagine if you could start with handling all the utilities, groceries, and the kids’ needs first. If it’s important to you, you can insist on paying rent. It won’t cover the mortgage—”

  “That won’t be an issue; the house is paid off and already in my name,” she grumbled.

  That finally broke through Isabella’s laid-back demeanor. Her eyes widened, and she cleared her throat. “Wow. He didn’t even keep his name attached to it?”

  “No.”

  “So he trusts you,” Isabella said quietly.

  “Yeah, right.”

  “No, think about it. How much is the house worth?”

  “Just over three million.”

  “He definitely trusts you, or he wouldn’t give you something of that value, knowing you could sell it in a hot minute and be gone. If he’s as stubborn as you, he also doesn’t plan to admit it. To be a fly on the wall when you guys finally sit down and have it out…” Isabella said, trailing off.

  “You make it sound like a sporting event worthy of admission and a beer stand.”

  “Hey, you said it, not me. Our time is almost up, but one more thing…we have a couple job openings here at New Hope that might be just right for you. You have a BA in Business, right?”

  “Yes, not that it did me a whole lot of good.”

  “Well, with New Hope now having so many different segments dedicated to recovery and care, therapy, and ongoing secondary support, they’re looking to add another business analyst to the team. Another brain to pull it all together and keep track of the function as a whole. That’s the exact kind of job where they look for your degree. What do you think?”

  “I think the shot of me getting it is slim to none.”

  “Why is that?”

  She didn’t know. She’d worked in business before for marketing teams, project managers, and account managers, so why was it so hard to wrap her brain around this? And maybe she’d see Lucas if she got the job. Not that a man should factor into any of this. “It’s my self-esteem talking, isn’t it?”

  “Bingo. The best part, the job comes with paid vacations, full benefits covered one hundred percent, and free childcare here or a stipend toward childcare costs closer to home.”

  Wringing her hands, she bit her lip and decided she might as well go for it. “Okay, so where do I apply?”

  “I’m going to give them a call right now and let them know you’re already here and it would be a perfect time for an interview.”

  “But I’m not dressed for an interview!” Chloe shot out of her chair and paced the floor. “I haven’t had time to research and study the job and center. I can’t do an interview now.”

  “Doesn’t matter. You come highly recommended by me. They’ll want to see you ASAP.”

  Chloe glared. “This isn’t some pity job, is it?”

  “Not at all. I expect if you don’t do your job, they’ll fire you. But I’m willing to bet my license on you doing your job and doing it well.”

  “This is what I get for going MIA for three damn months,” Chloe grumbled.

  Isabella laughed with her phone pressed to her ear. “I’d be lying if I didn’t admit enjoying seeing a patient realize that they bit themselves right in the ass. The good news is, Chloe, I also see the capability in you to turn this around fast.”

  Two hours later, Chloe walked out of New Hope, climbed into her car, and let out a squeal that threatened to shake the sun straight out of the sky. Clutched in her hands, a signed copy of the job offer she’d accepted that would give her more than enough to take care of the house, the kids, and pay Zane rent. Between her fingers, the single most powerful piece of evidence that she could move past all of this despite the bumpy road that surely still lay ahead of her.

  For now, this was a success, and she damn well would celebrate it.

  Chapter 3

  Lucas slid the last steel panel home and took a step back.

  “Bet you thought we’d never get this shit finished,” Brent said next to him before swigging down half a bottle of water.

  “With a limited crew, yeah, I was beginning to wonder.” Not that they could help that. The fewer people who knew about the tunnels the better, and at Zane’s insistence, they’d only brought in former military, specifically SEALs, to do the hard labor. Despite popular belief, there weren’t that many SEALs running around the country. Elite groups had limited numbers and then to find a few who didn’t mind doing shit work underground, yeah, they’d managed to find a few unicorns in the limited numbers, but not without each one of the guys in Fierce reaching the point of wanting to tear their own hair out in frustration.

  Lucas would swear that you couldn’t rattle Fierce’s most level headed chill guys, Slyder and Evan, but even they’d had steam coming out of their ears as they dug through all four corners of the country to find the people they needed.

  They’d even put a few of their investors on the hunt. Tex and Wolf had already managed to find Navy-trained doctors and nurses to staff the New Hope hospital wing. They’d also found therapists, more than half of them Navy-trained. Between the experience within the walls and Zane’s security system, the place was a fortress. More than three quarters of the staff were former military and excelled in weapons training. No one was getting in, but the best part, the people in residence moved about freely, none the wiser to just how heavily protected they were.

  “We came in under the four-week deadline though. At least that’s something. Bonus time.”

  “Hold it, amigo. We’re not done yet. We’ve got a couple days of electrical ahead of us so Zane can get the laser system in place. Before the day is out though, we will have A/C down here. Even if it kills me.”

  “We’ll make it. For now, let’s go topside. We can haul up some of these machines pumping out all this heat. If we grab some lunch, it’ll be ten degrees cooler down here when we get back.”

  Nice thought, except Chloe was up there somewhere.

  “Sounds like a plan,” Lucas said despite all the ways his mind raced at the dread of seeing her again.

  Two weeks ago, he’d walked away from her house and gave himself a pat on the back for staying away.

  Then she’d shown up at New Hope a week later, a genuine smile on her face, dressed in business casual with a name badge clipped to her breast, and every good intention he’d mustered had flown the coop.

  He’d become a tunnel troll at that point, defaulting to SEAL lessons to avoid going topside so much as to take a piss, afraid he’d run into her.

  She’d captured him when he’d held her captive. She’d started a fire burning inside him with the fierce temper she’d turned on him on the walk home. But it was the change in her face, in the way she carried herself when he’d run into her at New Hope, it was that glow that made him want to reach for her. Not that she didn’t battle the darkness, he’d bet his last breath that she fought moments of absolute desolation, but from nine to five, she shined with renewed confidence, as though she’d finally found the life she was meant to live before she’d taken a series of wrong turns.

  She’d found a measure of happiness in short order, and she’d done it all without him. Clearly, she’d meant a whole lot more to him than he did to her, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t cut deep.

  Which was stupid since he’d been the one to put up the barriers.

  He didn’t want to ruin her newfound sense of peace with the part of him that still tumbled in the dark. A part he doubted would ever see the light again. Sometimes a man saw too much, did too much, and despite his strength, he couldn’t manage to expose that gaping hole inside him into the light.

  With welding equipment and torches hanging off his tool belt and one arm, he made his way behind Brent up the narrow metal steps. Flinching at the daylight streaming through the room, he shielded his eyes and turned back to the hatch lid from where he knelt in the corner of the gym.

  Jake Kincaid, the man who’d thought up New Hope in its entirety right before meeting his wife Destiny, the first woman to benefit from the kind of services Jake had wanted New Hope to provide, stood next to him, his hand out.

  “Thanks, man,” Lucas said, letting the new father with a permanent grin splitting his face haul him up off his knees.

  “It’s the least I can do for all the hard work you’ve been putting into the place. The tunnels and bunkers are incredible.”

  “I’ll meet you in the cafeteria,” Brent said, giving a wave and taking the bulk of the equipment with him.

  Lucas nodded, waited for Brent to head off, and turned back to Jake. “Thanks. I have to admit, it’s a whole lot easier to do that part before the buildings go up.”

  “No doubt, but you made it look easy, and they’re incredible. Now, I just hope we never need to use them.”

  “From your lips to God’s ears.” The saying rolled off his tongue just like his mother used to say. Not that he believed in God anymore. Or maybe he did.

  Hell, if he knew.

  He didn’t have it all figured out, and there was a shit ton of bad happening in the world for him to buy an all-powerful being up there watching over them. Or maybe there was, and that’s why society and humanity didn’t slip into something much worse.

  Either way, channeling a bit of his mother gave him a bit of comfort, and he’d take it.

  “How’s Destiny and that little girl of yours?”

  Jake smiled like a man who had it all right in the palm of his hands. New parents often looked drained, pained, and ready for a break to save their sanity, but not this man. Jake knew what he had, and that smile said that there was no way he would forget to be grateful for it. “They’re great. Just perfect. Harmony already has a clear mind of her own. I’m in so much trouble.”

  “Yeah, you are, but it’s the best kind of trouble to be in. Besides, she’s not even one; you have some time to catch up with her,” Lucas said, knowing his future likely didn’t hold anything even remotely close to having a family of his own. At least, not unless he could shake the darkness, and right now, that looked all but impossible.

  “Why do I have a feeling military training isn’t even going to come close to being enough to navigate her childhood?”

  Lucas laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “There will be days when you’ll be convinced returning to boot camp would be easier.”

  “You sound like you know from experience,” Jake said, his gaze a bit too intense for Lucas’ liking.

  “I have a little sister. I’ve seen some shit,” Lucas said, forcing a laugh so Jake would move on. He didn’t talk about Laramie with anyone.

  Ever.

  His cell buzzed in his pocket, saving him from the direction their conversation had taken. “Burke,” he said by way of greeting.

  “We may have a problem.” Vic Conroy, his point of contact with the DEA both while undercover and now said.

  “Give me just a sec,” he said, glancing up at Jake. “Sorry, I have to take this. Give that gorgeous wife of yours a kiss from me.”

  “Fat chance. Get your own girl,” Jake said, waving him off with a smile.

  Yeah well, even if he did, there seemed to be only one he wanted.

  “What’s up?” Lucas said as he made his way into the hallway that led to the business center of New Hope.

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